All I Want for Christmas is You... Baby

So I may not be the biggest Mariah Carey fan, but I have to admit that her chrsitmas hit, “All I want for Christmas is You” is one of my favorite Christmas songs.  It looks like I am not alone, according to her website “All I Want for Christmas Is You” has sold more copies than any other holiday song in digital history with 1,715,000 downloads since she introduced it in 1994. I think the fact that it was also played in my favorite holiday movie, “Love Actually” further endears it to me. Aside from a very-upbeat-can’t-help-but-make-you-smile-and-dance score lyrics and the feeling they express are what I really love.

“I don’t want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you”

This is in sharp contrast to Madonna who asks for a sable, a yacht, a convertible and a ring from Tiffany’s in her very catchy rendition of “Santa Baby” and Lucy who wants “cash, cold cash” and Ralphie who wants “an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle” despite the warning that he’ll shoot his eye out.

I’m sure when Mariah recorded that song 16 years ago she had no idea how prophetic those lyrics would be. I know the “baby” in the song is a guy but the lyrics certainly fit for anyone struggling with infertility at this time of year. In October, Mariah and husband, Nick Cannon, confirmed, “Yes, we are pregnant. It’s been a long journey. It’s been tough because I’ve been trying to hold on to a shred of privacy.” Mariah also disclosed that within a month of their marriage they were devastated by an early pregnancy loss and have been hoping for a baby for the past two years. She has not disclosed if fertility treatments were involved, nor did she reveal her due date. Her very visible “bump” during her appearance at the Washington D.C. Christmas celebration as well as her own Christmas special is now fueling rumors that she is expecting twins.

As many of you already know, I am struggling with being merry and bright during this season, which revolves very much around children and families. Also the fact that I got through last Christmas with the hope that surely by this Christmas I would be pregnant. At the mall I glanced over at the lines of families waiting to see Santa and Christmas cards with pictures of other people’s babies was like having salt ground into the wound that infertility has etched on my heart. All I want for Christmas is a baby or at the very least enough money to pay for an IVF cycle that gives us a chance.

The first thought is that a year ago Mariah was where I am now.  Of course not financially but probably emotionally, yes. While we don’t know how she got pregnant or if fertility treatments were needed, she is walking, singing proof that wonderful things can and do happen.

The second thought is that Christmas may be hard but it will come and go. It will only last 24 hours and I can get through that. When I open my eyes Christmas morning I will be content just spending it with my husband and "fur" babies.  But this year I am also going to end it by helping my family give each other the present of me. My wish is that the peace, joy and love that are what this season should be all about will sustain my husband & me until our wish comes true.
Merry Christmas!