If Your New Start Here

Friday, January 14, 2011

Heartbreak already this year?

Alright I was ready! I got off the next few days from work. I was excited to be preparing for my procedure this weekend.  We were going to have an IUI done.  For those of you who don't know what this procedure is, according to Fertility Plus, IUI stands for intrauterine insemination.  It is preformed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus.

I should have known it was going to be a bad day.

Sitting at the doctors office I can feel my heart beating.  I'm waiting for the ultrasound tech to say something positive for once.  Something that gives me more hope that my body is moving in the right direction.  One ray of sunshine in this dark tunnel I've been traveling in.

Instead more heartbreak.  "Your follicles are not getting larger"  Really?  What does that mean exactly? It means that I am not going to ovulate. Yet another month.  I go back into the waiting room.  Another blood draw needs to be done.  Then schedule a new appointment for Monday.  They want to see if anything improves within 4 days.

Leaving the Fertility Centers of Illinois I grab my phone and try to get a hold of my husband.  He is working in Indiana right now and it's impossible for him to be at all my appointments unless his "warriors" are needed for it.  I manage to spill out the words; "I'm not ready"... I stagger in between tears, "I mean my body is not ready".  He tires to calm me through the phone, I can hear it in his voice too.  It hurts.

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