If Your New Start Here

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Guest Post - Remember All the Way

While I am patiently and not so patiently waiting for my 2WW (2 week wait) to be over and get the results of my IUI, I try to find things to pass the time.  I always find comfort in reading my fellow bloggers posts who can relate to my infertility journey.  One I read today, tugged at my heart.  So much so, that I felt the need to share it with my followers. 



And that, my friends, is the pregnancy (and parenting!) after infertility (PAI) motto.

Sure, other (fertile) people enjoy heaven (pregnancy), too. But they don't know what hell is like. They have not grovelled and cried until they have no more tears and despaired at their seemingly lifelong sentence of sadness. They have not seen all their friends go cruising up to heaven while they are confined in loneliness. They just decide one day, hey, I'd like to go to heaven, and on up they go. And when they get there and there is one less rainbow than they expected, they get all frustrated and take it up with the management.

But not infertiles who are blessed with a baby. From the moment you start to leave hell, you are all of a sudden scared. You have gotten used to hell: you have steeled yourself against disappointment, you have learned to expect the worst, and you have lost all hope except for the tiny seed of it that continues to somehow hold on in your heart. As you start towards heaven, you look back at all the friends you've made there, friends who understand what it's like to melt into a pool of tears and friends who have lent their shoulder for you to lean on when it takes too much to stand. You totally wish you could grab them all up in your arms and bring them with you, as you don't want them to suffer anymore either.

You get to heaven, and it is unimaginable. You had always dreamed of heaven, and now that you are there, you can hardly believe it. You pray constantly that you will be able to stay in heaven, because while you were at first scared to leave hell, now you are scared to return there. You see all the beauty, all the awesome things there, and because you spent so much time in the muck, these things are just amazingly healing for your soul. But you notice that some people in heaven think the rainbows should be brighter, the clouds should be cushier, and the flowers more plentiful. You can't understand how they could possibly complain about heaven, and because of that, you can never quite bond with them like they seem to bond with each other. Each day in heaven is so precious to you, and you can never stop being thankful, so grateful for the opportunity to appreciate this beautiful place in such a deep way.

You can read the entire post here.


  1. wow i am so honored! hang in there- praying your IUI will be successful!!!

  2. I love her blog too :) I hope your 2ww starts to go more quickly for you!

  3. I'm anxious at times, then regress back to calm. If I am nervous, I can't even imagine yours and Joe's feelings. I keep on remembering Grandma R's demeanor, that being one of prayfulness, faith and exterior calm. Always marveled her for that. I keep on thinking of our conversation the other night Kait. Until you brought up the "What if" questions, well, it was always just focus on you "getting pregnant". My thoughts in the last week or two have wandered to past Kait experiences. Anyone who knows you, well, knows you always were one to jump right in and many times ended up "knee deep". With that in thought, I feel a sense of "Oh boy, we've been there", and I get the whole Kait , Joe & #'s?? I have always said to Joe from that evening, (He knows) his life with you would always be one of "never a dull moment". That makes me smile still. I pray for a blessing and hope that no matter what each day brings, that you both take comfort in knowing how much your families love and support the two of you. Counting the days with you.......Luv to you both....From the one who has always had alot of Blue and now Pink in her life:)

  4. What great story i love this post and i will say to thank you for the attractive posting.


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