I have been slacking on my photo challenge. I have realized this weekend how all the "little" things can wait till later and spending time with loved ones is what should be first on your priority list. Saturday was spent celebrating my husband's birthday with family. It was great to have so many people we cared about together.
Sunday I spent the morning with my husband shopping for a friend's baby shower gift. Her party was later that afternoon, I know... talk about procrastinating. I found myself wondering the aisle's at target looking down at the list and then back at the items in front of me. I felt in a trance, my husband tried to call off things from the list next to me for suggestions of gifts. I went back and forth between the aisles not knowing what items to pick, wishing I was shopping for my own baby. I finally decided on a few items, went to get some other things my husband needed and found myself thinking I needed something different. So I went back alone to the aisles to pick out a new group of gifts. I was so indecisive. It was hard to focus on the reason I was there.
When leaving the store I found my eye's welled up with tears. It is a hard set of emotions that hit me like a huge wave crashing down. I gulped back my sobs and blinked away my tears. My husband looked over at me and said, "One day it will be us too".
In Kait fashion, I arrived late to the shower. The room was filled with little blue decorations everywhere you looked. My friend, Megan was having a baby boy. I felt surprisingly happy while there, I didn't think about the ups and downs I have been going through with my fertility treatments or the why not me's.
I sat next to another friend, Shannon and her two week old daughter, Kinze. It was so surreal to see the tiny little toes and fingers. She made the sweetest squishy faces, some with anger then followed by happy faces. So many emotions already. Shannon was so cute to watch, already a protective mother to her sweet little angel.
Today I had a follow up appointment with my doctor's office. I was hoping this new medication, and the fact that we have now doubled the dose, would have resulted in the results we needed. Instead it was more of the same, no good news, yet. Tonight I get to increase my medication to a triple dose. Let's pray for larger follicles by wendnesday's appointment.
A poem I found on another blog is one that I find fitting for today's post.
Pink or Blue
God, pink or blue, I do not care
Its sex is neither here nor there.
I pray you see my longing heart,
And in motherhood, let me take part.
I ask this out of selfishness,
But pray you grant it none the less.
I will do my best to raise them right,
To ignite in them your holy light.
And if it not be, Comfort me please.
Mend my heart and give me peace.
And help me to see and understand,
Your will is much greater than what I had planned.
